This year I want to put my mental health and my wants first. The thing about that is I think what I need most is to stop trying to be so perfect. Letting go and giving up on the ideal is the opposite of what most people are striving for right now. People like me however have always been really tough on themselves every day, not just in January, and while sometimes it results in accomplishments I have found it can also lead to disappointment. So this year I am striving to flip what I normally want on its head.
Make Good Brave Decisions
I overthink and it is debilitating at times. I want to make progress and not perfection this year. I want to be more decisive even if I learn that it wasn’t the right choice, I’ll be moving and growing. There are things that I have always wanted that seem scary, risky, and unobtainable. The only way to know that this perception is true is to try and this year, so I’m just going to try.
This weekend I wore one of my favorite dresses. It is body con with rainbow stripes, and It makes me so happy. I proceeded to go to pick up the best donuts I have ever eaten in my life, and to no surprise sported my “food baby” in the form of belly bloat as I went about living my life. I ate lunch out with a friend I haven’t seen in far too long, I stopped at home and had a salad because I knew it would make my slight sugar headache feel better and then went out to have some drinks and socialize to end the night. I didn’t think twice about any of it. There have been times in the past few years where I would have put far more thought into the calories of that day. That mental headspace would take away from all the good, lovely events that made up my Saturday, which would be such a shame.
According to a weight loss comparison chart that I just looked at, I’ve lost an “an average sized chimpanzee” worth of weight. This fact is obviously great. I’m not denying that and I am so grateful I have had so much success in this endeavor.
That being said there are things I am or have experienced along the way that I didn’t fully anticipate or want. They suck, and I’m going to vent about them.
I’ve lost around 70 lbs this past year. Until last week I hadn’t removed any clothing from my closet. I don’t like spending a lot of money on clothing and I haven’t hit my full goal. So to me it didn’t make sense to invest in new items. The only new clothing I have bought during the journey is a pair of work pants. Stepping into my closet was no longer enjoyable and I decided to give in and tackle the unpleasant project.
I dedicated an entire Sunday to the endeavor. I knew this was going to be a project, but there were many things I learned along the way.
I’ve noticed something as a young adult. Peers around me seem to talk a lot about being successful and how they are going to be successful. It’s very possible if not certain that I am in the minority in not fully understanding where they are coming from. I’m not really one to stress about much, and I’ve pinpointed the period of my life where I honed this demeanor.
In the middle of my high school experience, I was cut from the volleyball team. Coming from a family of athletes and being a 6′ tall female I felt my heart shrivel in my chest when I got to the last name that was not my own. I moved through the rest of the day on the verge of tears, being the emotional human that I am. Something I had worked so hard for and wanted so much had been ripped away from me.